An incidence in my own home yesterday got me thinking. My attitude to loved ones hurting me has always been to simply keep love in the middle and let it go. This is what all our spiritual texts teach us. I try and practise this most times, but I am not a saint and do falter at times. This morning’s self-reflection led me to the following conclusion.
Sometimes people will say and do hurtful things either intentionally or unintentionally. If they are strangers there is wisdom in letting it go and refraining from giving it permission to affect us. However, when it comes to family and friends it is utterly unwise to do the same.
There are three ways we can react:
Anger and rebuke – Human beings react to threat by becoming defensive and this will most certainly ensue in a conflict. If we lash back and walk away from the situation we are told we are over-sensitive, which makes us feel more attacked. This approach ends up in both parties being distressed.
Hold your tongue – Allowing our loved ones to treat us in a way we perceive painful will not just empower them, but will hinder their personal growth too. A conflict might be avoided by this method, but the poison of resentment starts to grow which will inevitably result in bitterness.
Gently Inform – When a loved one says hurtful things the best course of action is to consider gently letting them know that their words and actions have hurt us.
Although I have always believed that, I define who I am, and not the words or actions of someone else, I realise today the strength is not just in keeping quiet and walking away, but also in gently making them realise how their words have affected me. In this way I get stronger and also give them permission to be part of my journey to define and respect who I am!
Namaste Dost.
It is great to reflect on the options we have when faced with this situation and to internalize on what we have done in the past. And obliviously look at what we should do in the future.
I completely agreed that “gently informing” will make a vast difference.
Anisha, It is unfair to be unjust, but it is equally unfair to tolerate injustice. We should always respect others and their viewpoints, but we must always ensure that they show us the same respect and consideration back too.
Namaste Dost
Kavita Pal
Just what I needed to hear today thanks for sharing your reflection
Nita, y pleasure always.
Stay safe and stay healthy.
Namaste Dost,
Kavita
Remarkable, intuitive and always wise.
Thanks Tye. I appreciate your kind words.
Namaste Dost,
Kavita
So true Kavita, our own boundaries need to grow from the inside and expressing our feelings is a good way to start doing that. I belive that we often react to others when they touch our inner insecurities or fears. Working on ourselves through meditation or any other dyscipline helps us to become more grounded and in term, to establish healtier boundaries that allow us to make sure we are heard and respected.